Peak Transparent-Plastic-Number

A few weeks ago, my housemates and I were watching CNN, and they were running yet another "gee, gas is more expensive than it was in the past!" story. Clearly, however, they had run out of interesting angles from which to cover this unexpected, totally inexplicable event, as the entire content of this particular 5 minute spot focused on the sudden shortage of big plastic number fours. It seems "4" was not commonly found in gas prices at the $3.99-and-below level, and yet here we are, in a $4-a-gallon world. Needless to say it was a hard-hitting story, complete with testimonials ("Yeah, we never carried many of them fours, figured we'd never need them! Now we do.") and a few examples of the inextinguishable ingenuity of the human race ("I just took some of them big plastic ones, and a roll of electrical tape, and made them into fours"). Bravo, CNN. Bravo.

Apparently the plastic four shortage has swept the nation, and increased in severity, since the New York Times has now got in on the action. And people say the quality of news media is on the decline.

Really, what these stories illustrate is that we have a more immediate problem than Peak Oil, and that is Peak-Transparent-Plastic-Number-Fours. Luckily, America's finest corporate scientists have found huge natural reserves of big plastic fours buried under some environmentally fragile coastline near Bermuda. Now, the only things standing between the USA and relief for the beleaguered gas station sign supply companies are a few whiny leftist-types, and some starfish. Don't worry though, while we're digging up those fours, we'll also be planning for the future by figuring out a way to synthesize big plastic fives from plentiful, worthless food.

(NYT link courtesy of the great Ken Jennings)