Little did I know when I came across the new Sears Internet Lobster Extravaganza (iLobster? Lobster 2.0?) that it was merely one example of a wider internet-based lobster phenomenon.
Take Lobster Gram, for instance. This company claims to have been shipping live lobsters all over the continent since 1987 (presumably ordered over ARPANET, or some archaic form of paper-based long-distance communication). They offer live lobsters, lobster pasta, clams, scallops, filet mignon, and fish, all shipped through the mail. They claim it will be "the freshest seafood you've ever tasted in your life", assuming you associate fresh seafood with the taste of the inside of a FedEx box.
Their FAQ lists all sorts of wacky facts about lobsters (lobster blood is colourless until exposed to oxygen, when it turns blue; a lobster's teeth are in its stomach), as well as some real hard-hitting environmental questions... "Does pollution kill lobsters? Yes, so don't pollute!"
It doesn't address the question "Why on Earth would I eat lobster that's been shipped across the country by the same company that can't seem to ever deliver packages when I'm at home?" but it sort of tangentially approaches the issue with the question "My lobster gram didn't arrive alive... what do I do?" Well, first they suggest that you confirm that it is indeed not alive. Their recommended method: poke it in the eye. Then, regardless of the outcome, they suggest you cook it and try it out. Mmm, questionable box lobster.
But that's not all! If you don't like the cut of Lobster Gram's gib, you've always got Sears, or Lobster Deals, or Lobster Delivery... heck, even Amazon sells lobsters!
Truly, this is a golden age.
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